A Simple Thank You Should Be A Good Enough Start

“Thank them and then think about what they said...” was the advice that the late Reverend Billy Graham gave me.

The news of the passing away of the American evangelist reminded me of a chance encounter with him over 25 years ago. He was pastor to America’s presidents and one of the most influential preachers of the 20th century with an estimated life-time audience of 2.2 billion.

It was a Sunday morning during church time, when you would expect a preacher to be in church. So I was puzzled as this elderly gentleman sat down in the sun lounge beside me at the Marriott pool in Fort Lauderdale. My first thought was intrigue, that these two men in their mid-70s were heading to the pool for the day. But he looked familiar, very familiar. I started thinking, who is he?

Then I leaned over, “Excuse me, are you Billy Graham?” I’ve never been shy to meet a stranger and wasn’t on that Sunday morning either. Although maybe he was a bit embarrassed to be recognised outside of church at that time, we struck up a conversation and chatted the morning away.

At some point in the conversation, he said, “Tommy, in your life a lot of people are going to give you advice and I want to give you a bit as well. Whenever someone does give you advice, thank him or her for it and then think about what they said.”

As he explained what he meant by those words, the beauty of them became evident. When you thank someone for their advice, don’t focus on the meaning of what they said, because you may disagree with their perspective. Rather thank them for caring enough and having the courage to give you advice.

Separating the content from the care was very helpful advice as it enabled me to say “thank you” even when I didn’t like what I was hearing.

Thanking people for giving you advice and even criticism displays your openness. When advice is greeted with resistance, people will eventually retreat. And you’ll be the one who suffers as you’ll close the valve of feedback off. Be open to what people have to say and thank them for telling you.

There are times what’s shared with you will resonate and other times it won’t. That is why Rev Graham said, “Think about what they have to say.” If it makes sense accept and act on it.

And if it doesn’t make sense, then forget about it and move on.

In either case, don’t try to judge the motive. Assume a positive motive, you’ll sleep better. Instead, think critically about the comment.

Ask yourself, “Is there any truth in what they said?” Be honest with yourself. Don’t try to justify yourself.

It’s easy to make excuses or brush over something. But where is the growth in that. Deeply reflect on what is said and try to find a nugget of truth that’ll help you grow.

I get feedback every week on my column and every time I walk off the stage. Sometimes, I’m not in the mood for feedback, but thanks to Rev Graham’s advice, I’ve learnt the art of thanking and then thinking.

Personally, I find the thanking part the easiest. But it’s accompanied with an instinct to want to explain why I did or didn’t do what the courageous feedback giver recommended.

I’ve noticed that whenever I’m explaining, I’m not thinking about what they said. It’s a subtle form of escapism that allows you to ignore any truth in the advice. You’ll need to swallow your pride while thinking if you want to grow. Life is full of advice moments.

Last week I received a note deeply dissecting one of my columns. I really appreciate the courage of the writer to share his thoughts, I fully understood his point.

But the nugget of truth that I walked away with were the closing words, “Speak the truth or remain silent.”

His advice was anchored elsewhere in his comment. But this raised a deep question in my mind, “Who’s allowed to speak the truth?”

Had I not followed Rev Graham’s advice of thanking then thinking, I would have wasted my time defending what I wrote. Instead, I was spurred to a deep thought for consideration.

Thank people for their advice and feedback. Then think about what they said and search for truth to grow by.

Dr Tommy Weir is a CEO coach and author of ‘Leadership Dubai Style’. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com.